When we pursue happiness, we often start by changing our surroundings. We expect to find bliss in a warmer climate or a friendlier dorm, but any joy that those choices bring about is typically temporary. In a series of studies, students who changed their environments by adjusting their living arrangements or course schedules quickly returned to their baseline levels of happiness. As Ernest Hemingway wrote, “You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.” Meanwhile, students who changed their actions by joining a new club, adjusting their study habits, or starting a new project experienced lasting gains in happiness. Our happiness often depends more on what we do than where we are. It’s our actions—not our surroundings—that bring us meaning and belonging. My student decided not to transfer. Instead of rethinking where she went to school, she would rethink how she spent her time. She might not be able to change the culture of an entire institution, but she could create a new subculture. She started doing weekly coffee chats with classmates and invited the ones who shared her interests and values over for weekly tea. A few months later, she reported that she had formed several close friendships and was thrilled with her decision to stay. The impact didn’t stop there: her tea gatherings became a tradition for welcoming students who felt out of place. Instead of transferring to a new community, they built their own microcommunity. They weren’t focusing on happiness—they were looking for contribution and connection.
In a book that that ultimately talks about rethinking, changing your beliefs and adapting, I think the most valuable point is also knowing the balance between leaving a possibly toxic environment or when to make a difference through your actions instead. I’ve seen people who repeat patterns of unhappiness even when they have repeatedly changed jobs and tried finding new less “toxic” environments. On the other hand, I’ve also seen people who have change jobs but turn out to be in a much better place mentally.
I think the biggest difference is learning to find that sense of control to exercise your own autonomy in changing things. If one constantly falls for the “way out” of just constantly finding new environments without taking individual action to improve their well-being, any temporary boost to well being is kinda short term and fades away over time. I find what really gets people down is also the feeling of helplessness. Most of the times, that helplessness probably is more a function of our own mental limits than purely down to the environment.
